be His legs: She used to be me. Chapter 13

In order to chase my dreams, it was imperative that I came to terms with my past. Yes, as you have read here, in previous blogs, I have dealt with a lot of my past...but not all of it. I was at a crossroad again. This time I had to decide if I was going to leave "her" behind and truly become who I was destined to be. Or stay stuck in this continuous loop of shame and fear. So, I chose. She chose.

She took her fear and pain and used it. Not in a way that hurt others or herself...but she grew. She changed. She started to rewrite her ending. Her mission became to no longer fight the past...but to embrace the new. She understood with full force that the world IS her oyster. She has collected all the good from the people in her circle, including the ones that have hurt her...including Dad...and she's taking that with her.

She is no longer broken, but being broken isn’t a curse. It’s a gift. The broken pieces are the foundation she built her life on. She didn’t ask for help. And she certainly didn’t ask for this life...but she realized it’s hers and that it is important. Special. Raw. She finally looked up and saw a real light at the end of the tunnel. For so long, that didn’t seem possible. But through it all she never lost her heart. Her kindness. Her faith. Her fight. Her hope. The woman you know, if you’ve followed her a lifetime...or only a couple of years...is not the finished product. She’s a master piece in the making. She allowed everyone and everything to take from her, more than she gave. No more. She wouldn’t change a thing...however, now she respects herself...more than anyone else. Loves herself. Believes she can have it all regardless of what others think. Her spirit is not broken. Her life won't go to waste.

She’s brave, beautiful, fierce, soft, and on fire. Be careful in her space...she will challenge you and see things in you that you didn’t know could come alive. She sees it in you, because she pulled it from her own soul. Despite the pain. From the depths of her heart. She won’t push her ideas on you, but she’ll ask you to grow and stretch and decide. Decide what YOU want. She struggles in groups. One on one is her favorite thing. She sees ALL the colors. Feels them. Loves them. Loves you. Loves life. Her hardest realization is that not everyone gets to come on this journey with her...but she's so thankful for each person and their season in her story. She's learning and feeling. All the feels. Vulnerability is chasing away her fear. Slowly but surely. She wears her tender heart on her sleeve and refuses to let anyone change that about her. She is humble and full of imperfections. She is changing the world. Just watch for yourself. She can see you...however, she’s no longer concerned if you can see her.

She is me...maybe you see some of yourself in her?? Maybe not, but I am just beginning to write this new chapter. To truly LIVE in this season, I hope you'll stick with me. If not and you ever catch yourself talking about me...finish it with "but she's just doing her thing, her way...". and she is...she sure is. 

-xOxO
Hollie Calderon