A few thoughts.
I love to talk. Being vulnerable helps me heal. Sharing is caring after all, right?
Infertility: The inability to reproduce by natural means....a definition for my life that I never saw coming.
Struggling through IVF I’ve discovered many things...some good, some heart wrenching, and lots of wtf moments. Our journey that (officially) began a year ago today (with 4 years of “trying” & praying for miracles before asking for help) has changed my heart and mind, but most likely not in the ways that you think though.
Infertility has actually been a journey I’m grateful for. Truly. It’s grown me. It’s stretched me. Made me even more compassionate towards other women than I thought possible. It’s broken parts of my heart that I’ll never repair...but most importantly it showed me how to look myself in the eye and GET BACK UP. To RISE despite the pain and unfairness.
Shots, needles, patches, prayers, failure, body betrayal, and beyond...and I had no control. None of us do. My patience was tested as well as my sanity...but I learned to walk in the darkness. I learned that the dark isn’t something to be feared...in fact it’s where the greatest work is taking place.
I had nightmares of gaining more weight than I could handle (related to elevated hormones, hasimotos, and body dysmorphia). Like literal night terrors. I had to learn to “rest” and be “stress free” which is a crock of shit for any of us struggling in the trenches. (Am I Right?!?!)
As I kept taking one step at a time...I really learned to share in the joy of watching my friends and family announce/raise/create their miracles (and I don’t say that lightly, it takes SO MANY stars aligning to get pregnant people...). For so many years we try so hard to not get pregnant...only to discover that it’s not as easy as thinking about sex. I’ve snuggled as many babies in the last year as possible. I’ve learned to take care of my body...(that’s really important turns out). But mostly I’ve seen who I really am. I love people hard. I’m beautifully and wonderfully made. I’m so full of hope. I’m encouraging and strong. I believe in the hearts of people and the good in this world. Infertility doesn’t define me. I do things differently...and you can too.
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