My Life in Words
I love to talk. Being vulnerable helps me heal. Documenting it is cathartic for us all.
Giving up something that's blocking your blessings...is that what it's all about? I think not. That's the thought but...selfishly saying you won't have Diet Coke, Chocolate, or Dairy...in hopes that it will bring you closer to your prayers coming true? Probably not the point. It's not suppose to be a punishment. Or a deal. It's meant to heal and refresh. 40 days to let go of something holding you back, rather than punishing yourself for doing something you know you'll do again anyway.
So I ask you, what separates you from, the best version of YOU? I gather you know what it is, but it's time that you face it. Use this time for reflection, commitment, and all things new. Of course we all hope that we can live a good and fruitful life, but sometimes...well...it just doesn't go down like that.
So here's my confession I suppose, and I hope it breaths life into anyone who feels hopeless. You are not alone.
Alcohol. Geez. Where to begin? So let me start with this...At 31, I can't remember a solid week without alcohol since high school, except for when I traveled to do mission work in Ethiopia last summer. Wow. Yes. That's how I felt when I finally said this out loud last week. So, it seemed fitting to "give it up" for Lent...but more importantly this time is for reflection.
Lent starts on the 10th of Feb and extends to Mar 24th...so I've got a lot of reflection to do right!?! Wink emoticon.
So...I'll start with the last few days to share how incredibly human and transparent I am.
Not having a drink has been difficult. I've attended outings and had bad days that would usually end with several cocktails, but I've held back. It's shockingly frustrating how often I turn to booze as a method to relax. I'm not ashamed, but very aware of the fact that I desperately need more outlets.
I come from a childhood of addiction and although I say I'm not addicted, this is the time to prove it. For many years I've used alcohol as a crutch. Now don't get me wrong...I've had tons of fun with it too, but personally it's time for an honest assessment. These 40 days have started off proving this a good choice. In the past couple of years I've done a lot of soul searching and truly gotten a lot if my "emotions and feels" in check...which is good, but I'm realizing my alcohol has become more of a habit than anything. So, I commit to starting new habits.
First...gym on Saturday. Why? Because hungover gym just doesn't go over well lol, so it will keep me thinking moving forward. Keeping me honest of you will.
Next, hot tea in the evenings. This is be blaming just as much of a habit as my red wine, that turns into 3 glasses really quick while binge watching Netflix.
And...going to bed earlier. I need more sleep. Bottom line. This is just better for our whole household.
So, I'm 5 days in and honestly y'all. I'm enjoying my new habits and I'm 5 lbs down. Winning.
No it's not about weightloss. No it's not about sobriety. It's about making a commitment to myself and my God to break the barrier between something that's been holding me back.
Alcohol has been a comfort, but not my friend. I can't always handle it. It's brought tears, weight, emotions, shame, and truly I can go on and on...so this Lent I am finally done saying, "Oh I NEED a drink", I'm now going to take these 40 days to find and develop new habits that will stick with me even when I add alcohol back in. Because I will.
I'm giving up alcohol to be the best me moving forward. I still have more work to do, but right now I'm dealing with this. One step at a time.
What's your struggle? Are you ready to face if? Know that you aren't alone. The struggle is real.
I'll check in soon. We will do this. Have faith in YOURSELF. That's all you need.