The hard truth on Mother’s Day...

An open letter from a gal who’s been “trying” to become a Mom for years...

I see you. We all matter. 💕 Like ALL of us. #infertility #miscarriage #IVF #stillbirth #childfreebychoice #adoption #dogmom #singlemoms #momlife #angelmoms each and everyone of us.

Listen, I love my life. I live and do as I please. I make snap decisions without the pressure of having the responsibility to think of anything else except what I want. The only creature I am responsible for is this little nugget right here #dogmomlife (and my hubby 😉) and they make life pretty awesome. I travel and vacate life on the regular. Want to know a secret?

I cry a lot. Like A LOT. I am still grieving the 2 failed IVF transfers and years of negative pregnancy tests. I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy when I’m in a group and I have no children to talk about. I will always remember the pain we endured only to hear “I’m sorry Mrs. Calderon your test is negative”. So, I may seem to “live the life” but none of this is easy. Navigating life as a childless woman is hard friends. I don’t need your sympathy although I know your heart breaks for me. I don’t want you to stop talking about kids when I enter the room. I don’t want you to think I don’t find joy I’m being part of your lives or their lives.

But the truth is this...if you could see the size of the whole in my heart you’d understand why this day is so bittersweet for me. Why I am writing this through tears.

I absolutely adore my own mother. My grandmothers. My bonus moms. My SILs for becoming mothers to my niece and nephew. I’m wishing all Moms a beautiful happy Mother’s day because you deserve to be celebrated. I say that with all the sincerity in the world. Moms are so special and I am so proud of you all. 💕 ​
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I just want to be sure and speak to my loves that are crying with me today...who are holding their shit together (everyday) praying and wishing for our time to come. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t...but listen to me...I love you and you aren’t alone. Find the ways you are already a “mother” and give your very best. We are needed, too. Time heals all pain they say...but it’s ok to grieve...it’s ok to cry...it’s ok to talk about it. In fact we must. I believe the more we talk about the hard parts...the more we will be able to see each other. Love each other. Know the truth. Break down the walls and shine bright together.

XoXo
Holls